You Are a Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs. Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are. You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life. You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor. Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily. But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes. For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present. You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life. Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul

I guess that's rather accurate, actually.

You Are 17 Years Old

17 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

I've been a bit silent of late, but hopefully I'll get around to updating properly again soon. Maybe backdate a few entries or something.

To be, or not to be? That is the question.

Last weekend I went down to Ayr to visit Jennifer (abitofaweirdo). It was a good weekend mostly. Got to meet her friends, who are a fun lot. I spoilt it a bit by getting upset - I started to notice the signs that I might be starting to feel more than I should. Also Amanda texted me asking what was going on between us, which brought me to a sudden and unexpected decision that I had to make.

And so that very night I decided that I should no longer see Jennifer in the way I have been over the last few months. If I start finding hard to separate my feelings from my feelings then I'm only going to complicate matters. So while I feel pretty depressed about it now, I know it's better than feeling worse later down the line when it came time for Jennifer to find someone else. Despite her saying that she doesn't think I have no hope, just not to put all my hopes in it, I know that if knowing me for four years doesn't compete with someone she's met only fairly recently then what do I have?

As for Amanda... well I said I'd like to see what could be between us, though I think perhaps I haven't made the best impression on her as yet. I've tried to be as honest as I can about me and Jennifer. Maybe I've been too honest and chased her away? Who knows?

So, the answer to the question? Is there ever one?

Well, the weekend is passed all too soon.

( Weekend Shennanigans )

Overall the week was really good fun. In a way I guess I almost got a glimpse of what it might have been like if me and abitofaweirdo were actually together. It's a shame she just doesn't feel like that, but I'll always be her friend no matter what. She means too much for me to loose her by being silly about it.

abitofaweirdo is here tomorrow evening! Yay! So happy!

Eeep! My room is a tip, the dishes need done, more of my washing needs done that there's time to do. Gotta hide it all away! Hoover the floor! Make the place look like it's actually suitable to live in!

Apart from all that I'm getting really nervous again. Things have kind of 'hotted up' between us over the phone, texts etc, but what's it going to be like when she's actually here? I'm always pretty worried that I'm a bit of a let down in person.

So is there a name for an emotion that's nervous, excited and worried all rolled into one?

Aaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh!

Why is it no one can read a god damn letter properly? The past week (and this week too no doubt) have seen the highest call volumes all year. Why? Because at the bottom of the letter of the new Clubcards being sent out it says

"Please check that this number matches the number..."

At this point idiocy takes over and everyone now stops reading, runs to their existing Clubcard, panics, has a heart attack, jumps up and down for a while, probably stabs someone in frustration then calls the Clubcard helpline and says "My number is different! Help Me! I'll Kill you! DIE!!"

Of course if they kept reading it would finish "... on your new Clubcard. 63400402200000000"

See how easy it is? See how this number is the one on your card? See how near the start of the letter it says you have a new number!!??!!

Do you?!?

People are stupid.

As you can tell it's stressing me out just a tad, but at least I have the weekend to look forward to where I can see abitofaweirdo again. It's about the only thing keeping me going right now. Even that £100 vouchers bonus isn't looking quite so tasty when I think that there's a good three or four more weeks of this.

It's halloween and I was out last night (and friday night), maybe again tonight. I seem to be a bit of an alcoholic at the weekends!

Didn't mean to go out on Friday, but was invited out to a gig. Was ok, very punk/ska blend going on and a few of the bands didn't know how to balance out the sound system, but as we managed to get in for free, and I even managed to get a free drink due to bar staff not knowing how to put a new receipt roll in the till! Ended up in Chaos afterwards, which was ok but I wasn't really in the mood to be out.

Last night was much better. Got all dressed up for the party at Cage, I went as myself. Kung Fu Chris - Drunken master! I got terribly drunk, but it was fun to see everyone else's costumes. Jim didn't do very much beyond wearing a superman t-shirt under a shirt and tie, Alex went as quite a scary Edward ScissorHands, Smithy went as a marvellous Hell Boy. stu_god and fifi666 turned up with horns (apparently costumes are being saved for tonight) and there were probably others which I forget in a haze of drunken blur.

Had some interesting texts with Jennifer, abitofweirdo, but when do I not, now? hehe I think I might have put a little more into these than I normally do, but as my phone ran out of space some time during the night I ended up deleting half my sent messages! It's only 5 days now till she's back up here for the weekend and I can't wait to see her again. I'm getting all nervous again, what with butterflies and what have you. I just hope this week doesn't turn into one of those ones that drags on forever!

Note to self...Don't get horribly, horribly pissed like that again any time soon.

Eugh, spent the entire day in work feeling really unwell. Only the thought of that £100 vouchers bonus at Christmas kept me going.

Good thing abitofaweirdo didn't answer her phone last night when I tried to ring, as the txts I were sending were bad enough!

Got to clean the floor from where a couple of drunken idiots (who could they have been I wonder *ahem*) managed to make a little bit of a mess with regurgitated food and drink.

Ick

Day before was a bit more interesting. Told Amanda (girl from Friday night) that I didn't want to get into anything right now and even mentioned about abitofaweirdo. She seemed to take it pretty well, though it was odd as usually I am on the receiving end of the "nice person but" routine. Maybe I just never really understood it, but it still didn't make doing it any easier.

Soooooo tired. Feel like a zombie and probably don't look much better.

Was at a friend's birthday party last night, still pretty tired from the night before. Thought maybe I'd take things easy, get to bed at a half reasonable time, but no. Good old me decided that I'd tag along to Cage, get pissed, go back to flat and play on the computer for an hour. Finally crashed at about 4.30am, knowing that I'd have to be up for work at 9ish so that I could get the bus.

Was a good night though, got to know Niki (the birthday girl) a little better. Bumped into stu_god and fifi666. stu_god was more than slightly inebriated and I had good fun teasing fifi666 about the conversation(s) we had the previous night.

I think I sent some wonderfully drunk text messages to abitofaweirdo, but it's all good.

So bored at work though. Can hardly move, I've just got no energy whatsoever.

Ok, so as a quick update on the post before... I've probably been feeling the best about myself and stuff over the last week than I have in a while. Have been talking to Jennifer abitofaweirdo in txts all week and everytime I get one I get this huge grin on my face. Happened on thursday night when I was out and everyone kept asking me who I was txting cause I just couldn't stop smiling!

Decided to go out on Friday night too, even though Sin really isn't my thing. Lots of people I knew there that night though, which was nice. Got to tell them all to come out the next weekend that Jennifer abitofaweirdo is back up (5th November). Had a bit of a laugh just talking to people and hanging round.

Daz decided to 'help out' someone by asking me if I wanted to pull someone and then forcibly dragging me over to meet her. She seems a really nice girl and we spent a good part of the night together talking and stuff. It was her (Amanda's) birthday so I bought her a drink.

Speaking of which, I'll be out tonight for another friend's birthday - Niki a nice American girl from work. Probably end up in the reading rooms, but I've to go round and join the party before they head out.

Ended up being invited back to someone's party after Sin. Quite a lot of people turned up at first, but then it dwindled down to about a 6-8 people. I spent most of the night with Amanda, just sitting with my arm around her. Nothing happened with her, and on the way home after the party I had to think hard, because I've now just found out that, after over a year of complaining about being single, I don't want to have a girlfriend right now.

Why? Because it would get in the way of seeing Jennifer abitofaweirdo more. It's a little confusing and I'm not sure how things are going to work out, but right now I just want to see how things go and would rather not complicate things more than I have to.

This morning I found out that Jennifer abitofaweirdo also had some luck last night and pulled some guy she describes as good looking. Boy did the jealousy hit then, even though I'd been out with a girl myself! We've talked a bit about it now though, and everything seems ok. Still wish it had been me there though!

Finally starting to recover from the weekend due to overdrinking and lack of sleep.

Was really, really nervous on the build up to the weekend. Especially waiting down at the train station for Jennifer to arrive, but surprisingly settled in really well once she was here.

We spent the first night just having a few (read lots) of drinks in the flat. It was great fun and helped calm my nerves somewhat. At one point we just sat watching out the window and random (other) drunkards pissing all over the street and even some guys being manhandled by the police! A little later things got somewhat strange as Jennifer started to half dream whilst still talking and started spouting random questions and sentances... At that stage we thought it best to call it a night and I settled down on the floor. Not a particularly comfortable floor, I might add.

Whoever said that sleeping on the floor is good for you lied. I was so sore the next day. Spent a bit of time showing Jennifer around the basics of Dundee, before going for a shop at Tesco so she could cook some dinner for me at some stage over the weekend. I'm such a lousy cook! Later we had a good few more drinks and some fun with some friends over the webcam before heading out to Cage. Was hoping a few more people I knew would turn up, but it was a good laugh anyways. I think Jennifer wasn't too sure about the place at first because of how small it is, but after about half an hour she was loving it and telling me how she wanted to bring all her friends up from Ayr to see it.

Back home I'm normally a lot more retiring and shy than I am in Dundee, and I was determined not to let Jennifer's presence change that; so that she could see what I'm really like. Sure enough, it wasn't long before I was up dancing (read making fool of self) and I think it was somewhat to her amazement. Nearer towards the end of the night, what I had tried so hard to believe wouldn't happen did, and we ended up kissing. Later... well I didn't sleep on the floor that night, though things didn't go *too* far. I think we were quite scared that this would cause things to be really awkward between us.

Next day Jennifer was sick most of the morning into the afternoon - possibly too much drink from about a run of four nights? Strangely, the night before seemed almost surreal and we found that almost nothing had changed between us. We thought that maybe it would be a good idea to lay off the drink this night and spent most of the day lazing about, watching a bit of tv, and rented a dvd for the evening. I spent the night on the floor as a safety precaution.

Next day, despite an... interesting start to the day where we had a few things to talk over and think about, was a pretty lazy day too. Showed her a couple of the shops round the Forum centre that I'd forgotten about, left the dvd back and pretty much let her pack for leaving that evening. It was really quite sad to see her go, though we were soon talking in txts again.

So how did things turn out? Well, I think maybe now we've become something that's slightly more than 'just friends', but stops short of being a 'relationship'. How things go with this we'll just have to see, but as she's coming up again 5 November, and I'm going down to see her the 19th, I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to find out.

*phew* That was a lot to go over, and there's still things to think about, but I'll wait for another day to put those up

So the bank hasn't given me my money back, and they did it in the style of "I'm gonna treat you like you're trying to pull a fast one."

Apparently it's simply because the cheque going out bounced a day before the cheque coming in cleared. My mini-statements show that wasn't the case, and the fact that she took 5-10 mins away from the desk at another computer checking doesn't convince me she can add (there must have been... oh, say aboout 4 transactions over the few days involved). Plus the Advisor had an appointment wasn't available, so I'll have to call later. I might call him and see if I can actually get a word in about what the statments actually say and what the transactions actually were. Failing that I'll call the telephone banking and get them to read out the transactions one by one by time and date.

Popped into Sheperds, most likely with a face like a thunderstorm. Which is why I assume that the girl at the desk cowered and promised that the repairs for the boiler would be pushed through as an emergency. Though if I haven't heard before about 4.30 I'll ring them again and chase.

Bought a new pair of cheap shoes as my old ones are falling apart.

No doubt I'll have more news later.

Haven't written here for a while. I feel ashamed to say I've been busy working, drinking, and otherwise being a geek. Acutally, no I don't. But I should have been posting anyways.

Ah well... anyways few things happened.

Permanent jobs came up in Tesco, which I humm'd and haaa'd over taking up on, but decided against. These jobs were calls only and I *HATE* calls. Can't stand the bloody things and if I had to work for any length of time where that was my only job I'd probably become even more of an alcoholic than I am! There should be more jobs being advertised soon though. Maybe these ones will be more of my kind of thing.

Things move towards Texas a little better. My friend has just asked if I would like to be the groomsman :). My only worry is the money, but maybe I can take out a loan from my bank to clear my overdraft and give me some money for that too.

Just as well I'm going down to the bank tomorrow then, isn't it? Yes, my bank has buggered up and I need to complain. Two cheques to clear on the same day, one in, one out. Now common sense dictates that if you clear the one in first, then you'll know if you have enough money for the one out.... but no, my bank decided to bounce the one going out, then put the money into the account that would have let it clear. And they charged me £35 for the pleasure, not to mention the extra £15 Sheperds (my landords) will charge for the deferred cheque too.

Speaking of which, there's another group I have to see and complain to. It's now been a month and a half since we first reported our hot water as not working, and it's still not fixed. Cold baths are never pleasent and it's just getting riciculous. Being in a complaints receiving job, I hate to do it to others, but I think this time I'll have to put into practice all the little tricks I've learnt from the customers that ring me up.

And as a final note, everyone should get the chance to meet the girl I fell in love with weekend after next. No, she's not my girlfriend... just a really good friend, though we've had our little ups and downs due to various problems and attractions. I, in a rather wonderful moment of insanity, thought it a good idea to invite her up for the weekend. Now of course, I have a very small flat, no spare rooms or beds or cushions. So I guess I've got the floor. To top things off though, when speaking on the phone the other day, and of course I was telling her about how small the flat was and so on, she decided to quip "well if we're both drunk enough we might end up sharing the bed anyways". *sigh* I think I might banish myself to the kitchen at night in case I get any ideas... hell what am I saying, of course I'll get ideas, it's keeping them to myself that's the hard part!

So my ex (still a good friend of mine) was pretty drunk last night and let me know that she was trying to get back with her own just recently ex-boyfriend. Why does this annoy me so?

Ok, to begin with I disliked the guy (still not met him) purely out of jealousy, and as such tried my best to give him the benifit of the doubt in all respects. Then later I find out that he's cheated on her at least once (finally a real reason to dislike the guy). But while I still like my ex and all that, I gave up on having anything more than a good solid friendship with her a fair while ago. And yet it still annoys me? Bah...

Anywhoos... may go out to the goth night tonight. Can't actually think if I've ever been to it before, not really being into the music as such, but there's a first for everything right? Besides... there'll be at least a couple of people I'll know there that I can get drunk with. :)

Once again, I can't make it out to Bondage on a thursday due to no money.

This time I had to pay £125 to my credit card company (to stop them shouting at me) and the rest was used on travel, food and a couple of drinks last night. Ah well, at least I get payed tomorrow...

But wait!

Rent is due this coming week, so that's another £125 out of the wages.

Soon I'll get an internet banking account set up so that I can put money away into it that will be harder to get at... no accidental taking money out after the pub so I can go to a club. No impulse buying. Need to save up anyways, as a friend has invited me to his wedding in Texas come March, and I really would like to visit cowboy country.

Ah well... maybe in a few weeks...

So, got invited out after work today... thought I may as well go along for a couple.

Went to my local for two pints... everyone decided to head on for a few more.... may as well follow, I thought.

Went to a pub that the local rockers tend to frequent. Pretty cheap, actually, may go again soon.

Bumped into two girls who usaully attend the rock club I go to. Neither of them knew my name, but that's to be expected, and both have boyfriends.... and yet I have the feeling that one of them was watching me. I dunno, maybe that's just me being drunk, or her being drunk...

I've not got a chance anyway, I never do.

What a horrible day at work!

There was what must have been well above ten times the amount of inbound calls than the centre can deal with, and once again us in the letters department were brought in as 'relief'. To top it off, I've been running a temperature all day and started getting aches and pains all over, so it seems like the flu is settling in. That and my buddy at work heads off to India for three weeks, so I'll have to be keeping an eye on his comebacks and mail. *sigh*

They've started advertising for some permanent jobs at the centre now... but on calls only. I'm still not sure if I should apply for them, as I hate doing calls. Once in the company, I can start trying to get myself moved to a different department though, so do I hold out and hope that the job I want appears, or try and get it from the inside? If nothing else, I guess I could do with the extra money being a permanent employee would bring in.

So it now appears that I have two birthday parties to go to on Saturday night. Since when did I know enough people for that to happen? :s

One is going to be out on some random beach, while the other at the usual rock club. To make matters worse an old love interest of mine could well be coming up this weekend, and even though I don't consider anything along those lines anymore, it would be nice to see her again. But where will she be going to? The rock club or the party? And will that cute girl (Carolin was her name?) be at the party, as she knows the guy? No doubt she has a boyfriend anyways.

So hopefully I can find some way to juggle this weekend so that I can attend both. Leave early from one and arrive late at the other.

Typical...

Not feeling the best today, so I'll keep this short.

Had a terrible sleep last night, a half dream state that left me utterly confused and woozy this morning. Bad enough that I thought it best to skip work.

Not much else to talk about right now, but I'm sure there'll be plenty more in the future.